After these 12 months, i asked myself, what have I been waiting for? Am I just clinging onto the feeling that might had already faded away? I cannot tell. Is what I'm doing normal in the first place? Everything matters to me, but does anyone know how it truly feels to be helpless? Maybe yes, maybe no. Either way, its time for me to make up my mind. Birthday is coming... I'll give away my last gift, and throw away all those precious memories.